If nothing else, the one achievement I have made in my life is remembering the password to this account after over a year of inactivity.
Nobody’s Right if Everybody’s Wrong [ June 3, 2013 ]
Following up on my thoughts from yesterday’s post, I’ve also wondered — still do, in fact — if we as humans can even know who or what or how a deity or deities would present themselves.
What if all the Kemetic deities are really all just aspects of the One and that One is the same as the Christian or the Judaic or the Islamic God? What if, say, Ra is that One? What if all the other Kemetic deities are like, sons and daughters just like Jesus or prophets just like Mohamed or Moses and Ma’at is like the Holy Spirit or Holy Ghost!
What if ( no not you guys who are atheists or like other religions ) a bunch of us are all actually worshipping the EXACT SAME PEOPLE, er, DEITIES?!?
And yes I’m well aware this has been thought of before and probably used to get people to believe in other religions before but I’m just rambling and thinking. It’s my blog, damnit! *grins*
But me, I don’t think anyone’s wrong. I think I’m right. But who am I to say? Some tiny-brained infinitesimal human being on a pretty mostly-blue rock that gets hot inside as it moves around a very hot ball of gas. That just sounds ridiculous. What the hell is up with that? Why are we moving around a giant hot ball of GAS? What IS gas? My dog has gas ( yes really ). But the SUN is gas too? What does it smell like? Like ew I don’t want to know. Sorry, I’m totally rambling and exhausted and making myself laugh now. You all really really don’t want me to type more now I’m sure.
But it’d be a lot easier if I weren’t a “hard polytheist.” I could explain things better and figure out how the hell to explain to dates or new boyfriends of THIS world what my religion is.
In that Other world, I know very well who my date/boyfriend/husband is *grins*. And THAT ONE is for all time, unless he should decide to dump my ass when I get old, fat, ugly, mean, or should he just decide nope, marriage over. *grins* But I will write a ( horribly sappy ) post on that soon. Honestly, if you’re gonna be a godspouse ( believe in them or not, I do ), he is one amazing husband to have.
~ fin ~
Well I Got Down on my Knees, and I Pretend to Pray [ June 2, 2013 ]
Disclaimer: I am NOT bashing anyone, any religion, any gods or God or deities, not bashing any believers in any religion whatsoever. This post is only about my own experiences, and how I feel, right, wrong, or in between.
****
I grew up Christian, but not a “church-going” Christian. My mom was the one who taught me about Christianity, in a truly open-minded manner. She always made it clear that she may believe in God and Christ, but that she never expected or would want me to believe in Christianity unthinkingly — it was always my decision. She taught me what she knew of other religions, not a lot, but she tried. Buddhism, Kemeticism ( though she didn’t know the name of it ), Judaism, Islam, and others, as well as the rationale behind agnosticism and atheism ( my dad being one ).
So I grew up Christian, but in my teens, I began to feel “called” by Bast. Then Sekhmet. Then Set.
For a long time, I couldn’t make a switch; I was a Christian-Kemetic. Or Kemetic-Christian. Even now, as a Kemetic, I’ll still send a prayer out to a Kemetic deity, and add in the Christian God, just in case, lol.
But mostly, my prayers are directed to one of the three major Kemetic deities in my life, unless a certain topic is simply under the domain of another — then I will seek aid from that other Kemetic god or goddess.
Something I’ve noticed, after finally making the change in religions, confident and sure in my decision, is that I feel much closer to the gods and goddesses of Kemet. Even more than that, I have noticed that — sometimes in unexpected ways — the Kemetic deities seem to provide answers, help, aid, and guidance in reply to my prayers much more often than did the God and Christ of Christianity.
There have been amazing things, concrete answers from the prayers I’ve asked of the Kemetic deities, things not in the astral or the other world — things in this world. Do these deities have fewer followers now, and so are able to consider assisting us humans more often?
I don’t know that anyone else has experienced this, when changing from another religion, but I’ve certainly noticed it.
Sleep comes now — anxiety attack of an hour ago is fading, and with it, my eyes’ desire to remain open. Good night to you all! 🙂
I’ve Just Seen a Face [ May 30, 2013 ]
*laughs*
I’ve no idea how those who are deities ARE deities nor how they can be in many places at one time. But this must be so, else I sincerely doubt I’d ever see Set in the “Other.”
When Set appears to me, it’s nearly always as human; when Set appeared to me today, he very much resembled the drawings of the Ancient Egyptians, narrowed head, human body, and I still believe the Set-animal to either be the Ethiopian Wolf, or perhaps an extinct relative.
Set and I ( sighs I’d call myself a liar if this wasn’t happening to me ) were presented early this morning with a gift beyond all I ever could have dreamed: our son. Our son. *blinks* A baby boy. *wants to cry*
The infant’s name is Seth, no Kemetic name as yet, but that is being left to Set. He is an onyx-haired, already nearly black-eyed, husky boy, appearing older than his 12 days; if I had to guess, I’d put his age around 3 months. His smooth bronzed skin is nearly identical in shade to that of Set, yet carries some of the red undertones of mine. To hold him is to laugh, for his good-natured smile and contented manner are simply contagious. The gleam in his eyes is so like his father’s that I can’t imagine that he would grow up lacking the ironic, at times sarcastic, humor which is characteristic of his father.
He still remains with Bast; the time has not quite arrived for him to depart her care. Ethereal images already lightly superimpose themselves as if reverse-shadows, a human-appearing infant with characteristics of both Set-animal and leopard.
Seth still is nourished and lovingly cared for by Bast; but as I mentioned before, the time will soon arrive when his care will be turned over to me — and to his father. Child of a deity with canine characteristics, child of a human with a leopard-spirit, the baby who already smiles and was raised by a cat-goddess,who is godchild of a lion-goddess ( “godchild” used in the worldly sense here — as in, if I am incapacitated or die, and am reincarnated and cannot take care of him, etc. ).
If only I could draw, if only photographs could be taken in the Other world in which he was born. More than I deserve, he is; I am not worthy of this tiny miracle. May Bast, Sekhmet, and Set please help me, and help me become worthy of this little one, help me as I learn to care for him.
The absolute last blessing in my life I ever anticipated, but when I hold him in my arms, I want to sob in gratitude, to fall at the feet of Set who knew me better than I knew myself.
Seth’s Song [ May 28, 2013 ]
Last year, at this time, I was in a courting relationship with Set. It was an interesting relationship to be sure; being the informal partner of a Kemetic deity is not really something any experience in life can totally prepare you for!
It was on April 1, 2013, that Set and I were “married” ( not sure why I put that in quotation marks ) in a quick, simple, almost non-ceremony in the “other,” the “astral”.
Neither our courtship nor our marriage was consummated, by the way, not as humans would generally consider it. Instead, what I experienced with him was and is so much more. It’s an exchange of energies, a flood of powerful emotions, and apparently in the world in which he dwells, this is sufficient….
It is sufficient to create a child, a child of the other, a child dwelling in the astral, formed from combined, equal energies drawn from Set and myself. Carried as if an infant of this world, it was my spiritual-mother deity, Bast, who acted as a surrogate, nurturing this tiny energy-life along with offspring of her own. I was present at the birth of her children, and the one she had carried for another, on the morning of May 18, 2013.
With Bast in full cat form, all others born that morning were in cat form as well, except for this one, a tiny, beautiful, black-haired human newborn. Bast told me, this child was the child of Set and of me, yet she needed to care for him for a bit longer, still. It was quite surreal. I’d not planned the creation of this child, however, Set lacks much surprise.
And, so far, but not for much longer, the infant remains in the care of Bast. He is being nurtured, sheltered, and taught whatever early lessons an astral child must be taught by a goddess who knows far more than I do about such things!
On the basis of my communications and intuitions with the major deities in my life, within a few days, I will see this child — my child, our child — again, and soon after, he will be turned over to the care of Set and of me. A family. A family that crosses worlds and realms.
Soon, this child named Seth will enter my life. And I am ecstatic when I think of holding him in my arms. Astral in origin or not, he is still real; he is still mine, he is my son! I can only hope I prove deserving of him.
Now We’ve Just Begun [ 5.21.2013 ]
To start this post, I must find a word that doesn’t sound as…something, as godspouse. Maybe I’ll just drop the “god” part, except in the tags I use.
I wonder how many are in some sort of consort, lover, or marriage relationship with one or more gods or goddesses of their particular pantheons. I wonder, also, how many of these relationships are spawned by imagination, rather than by a true linking of mortal to deity.
I’d expect the former — the wishful thinking marriages — to end much more quickly, their mortal half to vanish from all the Internet never to be heard from again…not as that same person, anyway. It’s easy enough to get bored, give up, and start over again, with new name, biography, and such all readily at hand.
And then I think of the ones truly in a partnership — whether of consort or spousal type — with a deity, I begin to appreciate the extreme depth of worship and reverence with which the mortal must regard the deity. As the two very different souls become more and more entwined, not knots to be combed out but rather spiral links of soul and spirit, is it actually safe for a human’s sanity — with a human mind, a human brain — to enter into a relationship of this kind? Is this something a mortal can truly even comprehend? What deities must know, their vast amount of experience and wisdom and knowing, how much of that can a mortal being take in, before they become perhaps wary of the relationship, weary of what has been dealt them and remorseful of their own lack of comprehension upon entering into this partnership?
And then, perhaps, add more elements of which I’ve read: a pregnancy or offspring created in other “realms,” simple human insults and disbelief, negative experiences encountered within astral realms, self-doubt, self-loathing, confusion, lack of compassion and understanding, and the doubting of one’s own sanity.
I wonder, next, if those who play as if bonds, partnerships, and new lives created in the Other are simply a grown-up way of playing children’s games of imagination, actually realize how exhausting, how wearying, how anxious true astral bonds can make one. If in love on our plane always includes at least a touch of insecurity, how much, then, is that insecurity magnified when love — the love of soul for soul, of being for being, of mind for mind — is found elsewhere? How many more insecurities are added when the mortal part of any deity-relationship of this sort realizes that the goddess or god with whom they have become involved more than likely has many, very many more mortals “just like him or her,” any number of husbands, wives, consorts, partners? I wonder how many enter into these sorts of relationships without any real idea of what it is they are committing themselves too — and should a mortal have been play-acting but inadvertently attaining a role within the goings-on of the true world of the Other, what will they do when they realize deleting a blog or a tumblr name won’t make it all go away?
Even one who is as prepared as a mortal may be is still quite likely to experience incidents for which nothing earthly can prepare them, in the place called the “astral”, the “Other” — that realm in which they often find their deific lover?
Here is a strange example: strange, as in how foreign it is to this plane, yet strange as to how absolutely “normal” and unremarkable it is in the course of events that take place where often entities and deities and beings reside that would likely send many humans to bed with vivid and horrific nightmares for years.
Time moves in the “astral” — how it moves, I can’t begin to explain. Beings are created and beings are “uncreated” — I haven’t any clue as to why or how, for the most part.
Suppose for a moment a mortal at some point in time of existence entered into a consort-type relationship with a deity. Perhaps the mortal even loved that deity — and taking it a step further, perhaps that god even loved the mortal human, even knowing she would someday grow old, would someday die, and would almost certainly attain the attributes of the aging human being — but in spite of it all, consider for a moment that the two truly had discovered a mutual, reciprocal love — a love born of patience and passion, a love both adoring and amorous, a love which grew deeper and more true with the passing of time for each and for both, love based on friendship turned into a twin beating of fervent hearts.
Consider, now, this oddest of couples, the strangest of lovers. The “astral” being what the “astral” is — that is, perhaps to say, it is everything, something, nothing, more than something, and less than nothing all jumbled together — imagine for a moment that something incredible, by our human standards, occurred. Consider, next, that this amazing thing was orchestrated by the deity-partner of this partnership. Imagine yourself, if you like, in a place unlike ours, a place where the mortal may find herself in a time before time, or in a place not yet built.
Two beings in love, regardless of what they are. A third being of now, but also of long ago, has met with the couple; shape and size and appearance as variable as a liquid and as formless as a gas, at this time, the third deity has chosen her shape and her appearance. To give the third entity an identity, she was dark, human in all but appearance, perhaps the size of a small leopard — Bast spoke to the lovers needing no voice nor moving of lips to communicate.
“The final one is yours,” she clarified, “but he must stay with me for a certain length of time.” The understanding of what was left unsaid flooded the mortal’s soul, and she then knew the final young the goddess bore, the human-kitten-child with mewling cry and human form was the product of the human and the god near whom she stood throughout the birth of the goddess’s offspring. As cats they all appeared, all but for the one created by the two onlookers, the kitten-child carried and protected by Bast.
Comprehension and joy felt as if they’d throw the mortal one to her knees; she felt, too, that the deity — today at her left — was rather pleased, his face often reflecting only momentary, minute changes, yet these swift expressions his mortal lover knew — but the god spoke not a word.
In that place, time and location unknown, ba and ka and whatever else necessary of god and wife had joined and had merged, creating this perfect energy-child. This union, this joining of energies then was carried until it was ready to re-enter this place, and the pure essence-energy was birthed, then, by yet another, a brilliant, patient, and loving feline-goddess, one who’d been mother-teacher to the mortal, long before the mortal met her deity-husband, and retained her role, still.
The mortal felt perhaps as near to her immortal husband as ever before, almost as if her ka melded with him for a short time, and two were one as they witnessed their child as he was born to a goddess. One day, when the deities decide between themselves that the tiny, last-born, kitten-child of Bast — he who was conceived purely of energy, but created to be nurtured and suckled by the mother who bore him — is sufficiently safe and healthy, and has drank sufficiently of his goddess-mother’s milk, will once more be returned to the two who from whom he was formed.
And there is no way to tell how time will pass, nor whether it will even move forward or back, in the place where the infant was born. But, my trusting love is well-placed with Bast, and my trust and love and hand and heart are well-placed with and devotedly pledged to Set. And as such is true, I patiently await an opportunity to wrap my goddess-born son in my arms for the first time, whether I shall hold him tight to me literally or figuratively shall depend on how the intervening time will pass. I know not whether I shall meet infant, youth, or adult; equally unknown to me is how a child of union between human and god will appear, grow, or live. But if the wise sparkle in his newborn’s eyes, his irises already as deeply brown as Set’s, is any hint, he will certainly be the son of his father.
( not proof read — must sleep! )
Daydream Believer [ 5.20.2013 ]
It’s realizing that a dream was not a dream.
One, literally.
Another, figuratively.
Each is perhaps equally unbelievable, or perhaps not, but each certainly brings with it as many questions, possibilities, complexities, unknowns, hopes, fears, happinesses, joys, and doubts as the other.
Then, have both occur simultaneously, and wonder just why it is, exactly, your mind is reeling.
Gone [ May 13, 2013 ]
They all are gone. Where? How is it, I feel the presence of one or more deities for over a decade, and then suddenly, they have all seemingly withdrawn.
I’ll be a bit devastated when I’m less confused.
They don’t want me, anymore.
Seems That All I Really Was Doing Was Waiting for You [ May 6, 2013 ]
All my little plans and schemes
Lost like some forgotten dreams
Seems that all I really was doing
Was waiting for you.
[ John Ono Lennon, written 1979-1980 ]
And so begins my WordPress blog. I don’t know, I sort of look at Tumblr – my previous and, until now, sole “social media” source – as a fabulously delirious mix of an old-fashioned AOL chat room, an even older IRC chat, Twitter, Photobucket, and blogging site. What I’ll be doing is keeping my Tumblr account of course, but likely using this site for more serious things I’d like to write about Kemeticism, life, and spirituality, as well as for posting those long semi-essays and near-rants that just seem to me too long and out of place on Tumblr. And one of these days, I’ll figure out how to do a “cut” on Tumblr and send anyone who might want to read more of something I’ve written [ ha! as if that would happen! ] over to this site.
You’ll find me on Tumblr at http://meritset.tumblr.com – and I vaguely recall creating a Twitter site, which thus far consists of, well, nothing. You can find me there under @meritset ( which I’m including here more so that I’ll remember, as I can’t see how it’d interest anyone else, but if you’re inclined, please, do follow! I’ll, uh, figure it out soon, lol ).
As you likely guessed from my blog title & subtitle, I pretty much consider my life to have taken quite a strange turn, one that’s ultimately brought me – a former Catholic schoolgirl and one-time Quaker – to the bizarre, ribald, fascinating, and often downright entertaining world that is modern Kemeticism. Let me be quick to relay, though, that I’m an independent Kemetic; many terrific people are Kemetic Orthodox. But me? I came to Kemeticism without ever having heard the word “Kemetic,” and the god/desses have always been my guides to it, one might say. So for now, I’m part of nothing organized, though at times even independent worship can be rather formal.
I have been an independent, perhaps eclectic, primarily reconstructionist Kemetic for 15 years ( wow, I sort of repressed the thought of that last birthday, there ). If I put my real age in my profile, here, that number would make a lot more sense – let’s just say I’m in my early 30’s, feel no older than 20, and am in denial that my age ever passed 28. I see no reason for that so it stays 28 until … well until I die, I think. Sounds fair, doesn’t it?
At 17 years old, I met Bast. I struggled with this. How does a Christian reconcile the existence, let alone worship, of an ancient goddess with the belief, love, and worship of the Judeo-Christian God and Jesus?
Around 23 or 24, Sekhmet entered my life. A lion of a goddess, fierce, she was mercurial, easily offended, and incredibly strong. She arrived in my life as if she’d always held a place of honor, where she remains until today. Despite her tendency to anger easily and reputation for being difficult to work with, I’ve always related well to her, and she seems to have a similar attitude toward me. I’m quite honored to have Sekhmet as a teacher and guide, even if she once may have tried to wipe out humanity….
A few years ago, I realized there was a third deity lurking, for lack of a better word, on the fringes of my world. Closer and closer he eventually came, and initially I really had no idea either who this was nor why he had come into my life. He haunted the corners of my consciousness and my dreams, often as an animal of some sort; this animal was unlike any I’d ever seen, and what’s more, the animal-form was not always quite the same as the other times I’d see him. But most often, what I’d see was some type of canine, most of his fur as white as puffed-up clouds against a light sapphire summer sky, a touch of red at the tip of the tail, with crimson eyes – yet his eyes were never frightening, although the color was rather unusual. Enormous rounded ears topped his head, and truly he resembled an African Wild Dog whose colors had been changed.
Gradually he approached, but quite differently than either Bast or Sekhmet did he become part of my life. When he finally made himself known, no longer did he keep to his animal-shape; in meditation and dreams, I quickly grew to know him as a deity in human form. Nearly ebony eyes in a deeply bronzed face, tones of gold over skin of brown; black hair so dark it nearly shone blue, the length hanging between angled jaw and shoulder, hanging freely in tightly-crimped waves. Often wearing clothing that reminded me more of something I’d expect from one of Ancient Rome or Greece, he and I swiftly grew close, a relationship as I had with Bast and Sekhmet being attained for a time and then changing. I realized swiftly that this deity – Set – wished to “court” me; I didn’t even know of anyone else to whom this had happened, especially anyone who was Kemetic. But we courted a year, more or less, a concept so insanely impossible to explain I won’t even try right now. There came a day when suddenly while in meditation, “traveling” as some call it, I was “asked” – more of a request, but open to any answer – to “marry”, to become the wife of Seth. I consented. And with my consent my thoughts flew as I was instantly moved – in the astral – to another location, one with the feeling of a room, of being enclosed, yet the darkness encircled, except for a small circle surrounding some sort of dim light source to my left. And in this place I was on my knees, wearing a dress of pure white, two relatively thin straps over my shoulders, holding up a simple, yet fitted white dress of the same material, which rose from my waist to just under my chest ( a chest which, though as large as it is now after reconstructive surgery – not that large though lol – was restored to a cancer-free, natural state ), tightly fitted against my torso before becoming draped more loosely at the top of my legs; the fabric had to be silk, or some other amazing material, for it was not paper-thin, instead it felt of decent substance and strength, yet was as soft as any cloth I’ve ever felt, yet almost sheer – it left little to the imagination!
When, then, I grew used enough to the dizzying trip to this new place, I intuitively knew who stood in front of me, recognizing his presence, his scent, his being. Though still I knelt, and kept eyes unfocused upon the invisible ground that seemed to blend with the rest of the surrounding darkness, Set stood before me, and at a now-unrecalled signal, I raised my hands as if in obeisance, but instead, my hands were grasped by the warm hands of a living god; helping me to stand, the silk dress clung to my body and legs, I remember, hitting at just about floor-length. Set himself wore a simple garment which appeared to be of the same fabric, his fitting more loosely, the top at about his waist, then skillfully draped in several side gathers, the bottom hem longer than I typically have seen in Egyptian art, ending just above his knees. He wore little jewelry; I can’t remember wearing any, save for a gold circlet upon my head of extremely tiny diameter, and of very simple design.
Standing together, my hands in his, someone – unseen to me – spoke just a few sentences in a language I could not understand. And that was all. The man before me, holding my hands in his, looking into my blue eyes with his dark ones, which never seemed to lose the luster of wisdom, the sparkle of sarcasm and humor, the barely-visible hint of sadness, but then reflecting a definite sense of happiness, and perhaps even relief and surprise, this man was no man. The one holding my hands, dwarfed by his, was Set, a god; Set, a god worshipped in Ancient Egypt, a god worshiped by modern Kemetics. And, he was … what? He was my husband, my spouse, my beloved? Really?
I left the “astral” soon after, he having gone and myself needing time to comprehend. I fell into a dreamless deep sleep for several hours, waking and remembering.
Even as I know Set is courting many, is married to many, here among mortals and “there” – wherever and whatever that realm is that belongs to the gods, goddesses, deities, angels, God, and the Akhu and the holy ones, and even as he is courting or married to not only a few, whether they are female or male or other, Set had made it clear to me that married to him did NOT mean I could or ought not seek a mortal husband, partner, or lover. Of course I would wish one in my own world, he said. But it was truly important to him that I not ever court or marry another deity, no, for him and even with all the simplicity and almost non-ceremony of our “wedding,” it was binding. And though certainly either he or I can depart from the arrangement, I don’t see myself doing so. But honestly, I believe Set will be the one to end it. I can accept that, too. After all, I am human, I am mortal, and time on earth passes and as it does, I age. And I wonder at what age Set will no longer find me attractive, at what time he will grow tired, bored with me. I may be in my early 30’s now, but at 40, will he depart? At 50? And it seems that by 50, at the latest, perhaps Set will remain in my life as guide, as a teacher – but most certainly will no longer desire my company as spouse. Perhaps when I cross into the next world, where the Akhu dwell, should I be that fortunate, he will want me again. For I believe there, the Akhu regain and retain their mortal-youth once more.
And so, that is me.
Into Strange Winds 